acomia (n): ancient Islandic tradition of melting butter on priceless paintings and “hoping for the best.”
I’m not sure how this “ancient” process developed, or on what priceless paintings it’s been attempted on, but I wish they’d head on down to MOMA.
A lot of those “pieces” could use a little butter – I guess what I’m saying is that a red square on a white canvass is a little dry…
Bagra (v): to animate a cheeseburger comedy
So what’s this cheeseburger’s story?
Does he fall in love with a regular old burger but have to introduce it to his racist parents?
Is he on a quest to find the perfect bun?
Does he become vegan?
Alright Youtube – it’s your turn.
antibromic: To be against stinky cheese…but for cheese in general
Samuel Cheddar was the first to use this term. He had a love/hate affair with Gwyneth “Stone-Ground” Cracker, but when she left him for Jorge Apestoso, Cheddar lit a fire in the basement of his home and melted himself to death. However, when he reformed as “Smoked” Samuel Cheddar, and found God, he began a campaign against all stinky cheese. Known in southern England as “getting pepperjacked,” Smoked Samuel began a reign of terror that was only quenched when the famed Italian general, mud wrestler, and overall chinese checkers champion La Prosciutto arrived and was promptly eaten along with Smoked Samuel. When the dust finally settled, it was agreed by all that all cheese hate crimes would be punishable by fondue, and thus the word antibromic was coined.
To be antibromic is to believe that the stinky few are the worst thing that happened since people started using that stupid term “after sliced bread.”
commetism (n): the belief one is on an island though one is clearly surrounded by land.
Coined in 2004 by venerated journalist Ross Foss of the Main Street Journal, comnetism came directly out of the hubris associated with the Bush Presidency.
At a Tampa, FL convention, when asked about Florida in the upcoming Presidential election after the immense controversy of 2000, Bush replied “This Island, this island will be my island.”
chenso (v): to slowly become attracted to cheese.
usage: Tom chensoed his prized Swiss after the odor began to linger at his nostrils.
history: Cheese-making dates back to the Middle East. However, it was not until the ancient Greeks and Romans that the chensites, or cheese-lovers, first appeared. Historically, society has been less accepting to chensites than other fetish groups.
Greek mythology cites Aristaeus, minor God and son of Apollo and the huntress Cyrene, as the first chensite.
Because the first cheeses were more properly curds, which tended to produce more sour varieties (resulting in obvious love-making difficulties) chensoing would not come into practice until the 1st century, A.D. when Roman historian Piny the Elder recorded the successful creation of the hard cheese now more commonly known as “Swiss Cheese.” With the discovery of Propionibacter shermani, the bacteria which gives Swiss Cheese its distinctive holes, the chensite community began to flourish.
tristany (verb): To pee on a small turtle without mercy
Now, we’ve all peed on turtles before. I mean, come on. And the little ones are the most satisfying, for sure. But with mercy, right?
So if you’ve tristanyed (one of those rare verbs that doesn’t become ied), tell us why.
After all, what kind of monster wouldn’t have sympathy for that little guy?
And yet it happens more than we’d like to think.
So many traumatized little turtles…
Warm, wet, and sad…
Tell us about your tristanic experiences (also an adjective). Send to your friends. Sign up for email updates. And be sure to check out the video below!